Touchy-feely

The concept of ‘personal space’ simply does not exist in the Mediterranean mindset. From amiable slaps on the back to the typical cheek-kissing greetings, everyday life between friends and family is filled with this phenomenon of ‘interpersonal touching’.

There’s far more of this here than in the UK. It’s not something you’d normally perceive, but the invasion of personal space is something we feel more acutely. It’s simply not normal to go around touching people, especially strangers or people you’ve just met. Unless you want a slap/punch.

Robin Dunbar (of “Dunbar’s number” fame – 150 is apparently the number of people with whom our brain is capable of having meaningful connections at once) constantly stresses how interpersonal touch conveys emotion more powerfully than language. We’re hard-wired for touch. So why do we run away from it, when our European counterparts do not?

It’s a classic comedy scenario: the British guy dying from awkwardness, surrounded by his ‘touchy-feely’ European counterparts (this guy is most commonly me). It doesn’t matter if they’re from Spain, Italy, Brazil... people may never have met before but within minutes, out comes the affectionate shoulder-patting.

Several months after I moved to Paris, one of my French friends decided I was ready to be greeted à la française. I nearly died as he walked up to me and confidently planted a kiss on one cheek and then the other. Having only ever followed this custom with the fairer sex, my reaction was apparently ‘a classic’.

Some Spaniards and Brazilians I spoke to today could not understand how something as natural as touching could’ve disappeared from Northern European (and to an extent, US) culture. They have a point.

I’ve lived outside of the UK for 12 months now. Each time I return, that game of people-dodging we play in busy airports and stations seems more and more ridiculous, an awkward ballet routine performed to a backing chorus of muttered “sorrys”.

They had an extreme example, telling of how they watched an adorable, excited three-year-old in Norway get off a train to be greeted by a formal handshake from his grandma. Had the grandmother been Spanish, the kid would have been covered with kisses, whisked into the air and probably held aloft like the European football trophy.

I’ve made some extremely close friends out here in a very short space of time. From noisy bars to laughter-filled sessions around the guitar, I’m sure an awful lot of back-slapping was involved in there somewhere.

Next weekend, as I retake my position in the awkward ballet of Luton’s arrivals hall, I’m sure the whole thing will seem comical by comparison. 

Less rambling and more scribbling to come...

Spanish of the Day

estar constipado - to have a blocked nose. (No... not what you were thinking. I made that mistake today.)

estar en el séptimo cielo - to be on cloud nine. (Lit. 'seventh heaven')